Paskong Palusot ni Ninong

Paskong Palusot ni Ninong

November 20, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

Sino ang madaling lapitan pero mahirap hanapan ng pamasko? If you answered ninong, we feel you. Almost all of us have experienced the paasang pamasko ni ninong before when we were kids. ’Yung instead of receiving wonderful Christmas presents, all we got were mahal-ka-ni-ninong-excuses. So with that, let’s give you a rundown of the top 5 palusots of our dear ninongs na daig pa si Buboy Magtanggol in Kaya ni Mister Kaya ni Misis.

Palusot ni ninong 1

Ay sorry, naiwan ko yung gift ko sa’yo!

With matching kamot ng ulo (to look legit), good ninong tries to feel sorry while he tries to explain to you how he forgot your pamasko. But in reality, it was just all selective memory. *Sigh*

Palusot ni ninong 2

Ilista mo lang, ‘nak!

Like your suking tindahan, your ninong asks you to update your ledger of his “utangs,” which he promise to pay in the future. And when we say future, we mean when you’re already in your late 20’s. But once you and your ninong finally get to meet in that unexpected reunion, you can now make singil with a “one-time, big-time” proposal. Oks ba?

Palusot ni ninong 3

Inaanak pala kita?

‘Nak ng pating! Ito na naman tayo. But come to think of it, maybe their memory is really that bad. After all, they have lots of inaanaks, too. At sa sobrang dami, hindi na nila alam kung sino ang totoo. But you can always show proof. Ask for your photo album from your parents and present it to your ninong. The more photos you show, the more chances of convincing your ninong.

Palusot ni ninong 4

Busy lang si Ninong mo.

Ang walang kamatayang excuse. Wala man tayong laban sa work, may fighting chance naman tayo sa ibang ninong na ‘di masyadong busy.

Palusot ni ninong 5

Sa susunod na lang ha.

Ayan tayo ninongs e. Taon-taon na lang ‘yan ang banat niyo. Magtayo na lang kaya kayo ng recording studio kasi parang ni-record lang yung sagot niyo sa nagmamakaawa naming pamasko. Pero okay lang, mahal pa rin namin kayo. Yun nga lang, next time na lang din yung kiss.

Peace

So there you have it. No offense to all our ninongs out there. We know you’re doing your best to give us something special during Christmas. And that, to us, is more than enough. But we just can’t get over your palusots. Peace!

If Santa Claus is Pinoy…

If Santa Claus is Pinoy…

November 8, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

When you think of Santa, what comes to your mind? I bet you see an overweight Caucasian guy in a red jumpsuit with curly white beard and blue eyes. Despite his wide acceptance here in our country, many aspects of Santa Claus remain as foreign to us Pinoys as his looks. North Pole? Reindeers? Chimneys? Ano yun? It does not make sense to us because it’s very far removed from our reality.

Here’s what will happen if Santa is Pinoy instead:

1. Santa will buy his pang-regalo at Divisoria. This is the only place where he can buy a large quantity of toys for a good price.
2. He will hire duwendes to help him in sorting the toys, wrapping them up, and writing dedications.
3. Pero, as usual, the gift wrapping will be delayed at the last minute.
4. His loyal carabao Rhody will pull the sled come Christmas Eve. Just one carabao is enough for the task because they are strong animals that are used to hard work in the rice field.
5. Since it will be a long ride ahead, he’ll have to bring baon at yun ang walang kamatayang adobong manok at baboy.
6. Before leaving, Mrs. Claus will run down all the things that he should have with him during the trip. Good morning towel? Check. Baunan? Check. Light jacket? Check. Medicine for Byahilo? Check.
7. Since he’ll be flying his magic sled, he’ll be spared from the crazy traffic jams caused by last minute Christmas shoppers.
8. His biggest problem will be all the electric lines and banderitas blocking his way. One wrong move and he can cause a blackout in an entire neighborhood.
9. He will probably have a hard time going house to house without anybody noticing because the whole Pinoy family stays awake until midnight for Noche Buena.
10. His only consolation is that he won’t have to visit too many houses because entire clans usually come together under one roof during this time of the year.
11. Occupational hazards include getting hit by the fireworks of Pinoy titos who are too eager to show off the result of their early shopping spree in Bocaue…
12. …And the nosy neighbor who might mistake him for an akyat-bahay.
13. Lastly, he won’t stay anonymous for long. No juicy story ever gets past a Pinoy.

Did I miss anything? Share with us your thoughts at facebook.com/KuyaJResto

5 lesser-known facts about Rizal

5 lesser-known facts about Rizal

November 8, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

Jose Protacio Rizal Mercado y Alonso Realonda. You’ve probably seen it in a multiple choice question and if you picked the one in this exact order, that’s 1 point for you.

Everyone knows he’s our National Hero and you may say that you know him already (because maybe you got a 95 on your Rizal subject), but there’s so much more to learn about him and you can’t find it in textbooks.

So, to commemorate Rizal Day, here are 5 lesser known facts about Jose Rizal:

1. There are three animals named after Rizal – During his time in Dapitan, Rizal collected animal species. Together with his students (he formed a school while in Dapitan, imagine how much time he had there), he discovered a type of beetle, a flying dragon, and a species of toad

2. He’s a sculptor, a talented sculptor – He carved 9-inch wooden statuettes when he was only 14 years old! Ano ba’ng ‘di mo kayang gawin, Pepe?

3. One thing he can’t do is sing – Ayun. Jose is a multi-talented man but one thing he cannot do is sing. He learned at an early age that his singing voice sounded awful so he decided to pursue other things instead.

4. He once sent a love letter written in invisible ink – Rizal wanted to keep his courtship towards Leonor Valenzuela private so he used his knowledge in Chemistry to make invisible ink (which is a mix of table salt and water. Thank him later.) Kaya naman pala matinik sa chicks e.

5. He’s fluent in 22 languages – Rizal is a well-travelled man and as you just read, he mastered 22 languages (including Sanskrit), so we can say his travel goals are quite big.

With all that, masasabi nating nung nagsabog ng talento, si Rizal talaga ang sumalo. Tell us about how he inspires you at facebook.com/KuyaJResto.

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Things usually found in a Filipino Home

Things usually found in a Filipino Home

May 31, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

Since traveling has become a trend, it is not uncommon to find ourselves stepping on foreign soil. We sometimes feel homesick due to this and we suddenly feel all the feels with Eraserheads’ song, “Manila”. But since the Filipino Culture is pretty much a mix of the various ideas, traits and practices of our colonizers, how can we really say we’re home?

Here’s a list of all things unique in the Filipino home!

T&T (Tabo and timba)
– Bathroom buddies. ‘Di kumpleto ang ligo without these two.
Stepin (Tsinelas)
– A source of joy and fear for Filipino kids. Joy, when we use it in Tumbang Preso. And fear, pag pamalo na ito ni Nanay! Ayayay, takbo!
Kulambo
– The “Plan B” to the Tiger Katol.
Ulambo
– If we have the kulambo to protect ourselves from mosquitoes, we have the ulambo to protect our food from flies and other itsy-bitsy friends. (We made this up, but tell me doesn’t work!)
Walis ting ting
– The front yard is incomplete without a trustee walis ting ting.
Giant wooden utensils
– Legend has it that if, for whatever reason, this falls to the ground, giants will come dine with you. Better nail these to the wall!
Ice cream tubs used as containers
– This savagery is the first cause of heartbreak and mini-heart attacks among children.
Banig
– This is where you forced yourself to sleep because if not, ‘di ka makakalabas.

So, there. These are the things that make you sing “hinahanap-hanap kita Manila”.

Nice one, Juan!

Nice one, Juan!

May 31, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

Today, new inventions come out by the minute and it’s hard to keep up and process everything. From the moment we jump out of the bed, to the wee hours where we scroll down Facebook ‘til we sleep, we use a lot of things and devices to make our life easier and more convenient. But did you know, that some of the things we use daily were invented by a fellow Juan?

That’s right. In case you’re not aware, Filipinos have been making a mark especially in the field of Science for a long time. As a matter of fact, one of these Filipino innovations sit somewhere inside the computers we use every day.

The first 16-bit microchip was made by Diosdado Banatao, a 69-year old Filipino from Cagayan Valley. For the benefit of the non-techie, this microchip is responsible for making your computer respond faster to your demands. So imagine how much longer you’ll wait for that office computer to render that Photoshop file if it weren’t for him!

Speaking of rendering, the first medical incubator was also invented by a fellow Juan. Well, Juana in this case. So, anong konek? An incubator “renders” premature babies for them to be ready for the outside world (There, LOL. Mai-link lang). It was invented by Fe del Mundo, the first woman who studied in the prestigious Harvard Medical School, and also the woman who is behind the first pediatric hospital in the Philippines. We can tell she likes cute mini-humans.

I wonder how difficult it would be for Fe to do all her paperwork without a trustee pen and ink. Luckily for her, the quick ink was already around that time. A Filipino chemist named Francisco Quisumbing was the one who invented Quink which means “Quisumbing Ink” or, as Americans want to call it, “Quick Ink”. The product was so good the Parker Pen Company used it in their pens.

Now, that one literally left a mark.

The Birth of Pendong Peace

The Birth of Pendong Peace

May 16, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

What do kotseng kubas (Volkswagen Beetle Type 1), bald men (ala Mr. Clean), and airplanes have in common? Pendong-Peace! Yes, that’s what usually happens whenever one of them suddenly appears. You get a quick slap on the head by someone, while he/she is shouting the catchphrase to you together with a peace sign. ‘Matic yan. But have you ever wondered how this Pendong-Peace started?

After a little “research”, we found out, or lack thereof, that there’s no legit story behind it. So we decided to make possible origins about this one-of-a-kind phenomenon.

1. Pendong is a Manong.

Since you can’t mention pendong without the peace, we came to the conclusion that pendong is actually a man (we’re guessing he’s bald) whose surname is peace. And as his surname suggest, we believe that he has lived his life in pure solitude, so much so that he almost passed the San Pedro School of Saints Entrance Exam.

2. It’s the way of the hippies.

Circa 1960s, the hippie culture was born. As we all know, hippies mean peace. They are probably responsible for spreading peace all over the world. So who knows, maybe they are the ones who started the Pendong-Peace treaty too?

3. Pendong-Peace is Pen Pen de Sarapen’s grandson.

As they say, the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree. If Pen Pen de Sarapen is chanted to select the “taya” in a game, then Pendong-Peace is shouted to slap someone silly for fun and games.

There you have it, Ates and Kuyas. Next time you see a kotseng kuba, a bald man, or an airplane flying in the sky, just Pendong-peace the person closest to you nang makita mo ang hinahanap mo.

Filipino superstitions

Filipino superstitions

May 12, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

We all have memories of our lolas scolding us for doing something silly like making faces in front of the electric fan, sweeping the floor at night or having two puyos.

You are not alone. I, too, were bothered by these beliefs big time. I remember having trouble sleeping because it really gave me a huge deal of paranoia. But now that we know better, it’s always nice to have a good laugh at some of the silliest superstitious beliefs in the Philippines.

Here are the best sources of paranoia by Lola:

1. Sukob
• Basically, this says that sisters and brothers cannot marry in the same year as it brings bad luck to the family. Some even made films about this and it included white ladies and blood and some more white ladies. To me, it just looks like an economically convenient move.

2. If you accidentally drop a spoon during a meal, a female visitor will come. If you drop a fork, there will be a male visitor
• What if we drop a knife? Will Jason from Friday the 13th come?

3. Sweeping the floor at night drives away good luck
• This sounds like an excuse to not clean your room before bedtime. Nice try, Lola!

4. “Tao po, tao po”
• It’s common for us Filipinos to say “tao po” when knocking on doors. Apparently, it is to find out if there are people inside the house. But unbeknownst to most, it is done to introduce yourself as a human and not some engkanto or duwende. Creepy!

5. If a person bites his tongue, somebody is thinking of him
• I think our lolas came up with this to feel good about their clumsiness and to link it to their nobyos.

6. If a pregnant woman looks beautiful, she will have a baby girl. If she looks ugly and cruel, she will have a baby boy.
• So, pag babae: “Uy blooming! Babae yan.” Pero pag boy, “Parang pumapangit ka? Lalaki magiging anak mo.” Daya!

7. Eat pancit and you will live a long life

• Pancit came from the Chinese but Filipinos made sure they left their mark on it. If this is true, I’d probably live until a thousand and eight. #PancitCantonIsLife

8. An itchy palm means money
• Sa lahat ng pangitain, this one is my favorite. Who doesn’t like free money??

9. Mole on foot
• If you have a mole on your foot, ‘matik yan, lakwatsera ka!

10. If someone gives a wallet or a bag as a gift, he must put money in it or else it will only bring bad luck
• To whoever made this up, #ISeeWhatYouDidThere