If Santa Claus is Pinoy…

If Santa Claus is Pinoy…

November 8, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

When you think of Santa, what comes to your mind? I bet you see an overweight Caucasian guy in a red jumpsuit with curly white beard and blue eyes. Despite his wide acceptance here in our country, many aspects of Santa Claus remain as foreign to us Pinoys as his looks. North Pole? Reindeers? Chimneys? Ano yun? It does not make sense to us because it’s very far removed from our reality.

Here’s what will happen if Santa is Pinoy instead:

1. Santa will buy his pang-regalo at Divisoria. This is the only place where he can buy a large quantity of toys for a good price.
2. He will hire duwendes to help him in sorting the toys, wrapping them up, and writing dedications.
3. Pero, as usual, the gift wrapping will be delayed at the last minute.
4. His loyal carabao Rhody will pull the sled come Christmas Eve. Just one carabao is enough for the task because they are strong animals that are used to hard work in the rice field.
5. Since it will be a long ride ahead, he’ll have to bring baon at yun ang walang kamatayang adobong manok at baboy.
6. Before leaving, Mrs. Claus will run down all the things that he should have with him during the trip. Good morning towel? Check. Baunan? Check. Light jacket? Check. Medicine for Byahilo? Check.
7. Since he’ll be flying his magic sled, he’ll be spared from the crazy traffic jams caused by last minute Christmas shoppers.
8. His biggest problem will be all the electric lines and banderitas blocking his way. One wrong move and he can cause a blackout in an entire neighborhood.
9. He will probably have a hard time going house to house without anybody noticing because the whole Pinoy family stays awake until midnight for Noche Buena.
10. His only consolation is that he won’t have to visit too many houses because entire clans usually come together under one roof during this time of the year.
11. Occupational hazards include getting hit by the fireworks of Pinoy titos who are too eager to show off the result of their early shopping spree in Bocaue…
12. …And the nosy neighbor who might mistake him for an akyat-bahay.
13. Lastly, he won’t stay anonymous for long. No juicy story ever gets past a Pinoy.

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