In the Philippines, we have our own cool stuff like our uniquely-shaped kampilans and bolos, Capiz-windowed houses, colorful tribe costumes, and even our own system of writing. But we’re also fond of making Filipino versions of things like the laughable Thor and Arrow rip-offs aired on a particular TV channel.

With that said, and since Christmas is just around the corner, why don’t we imagine the chubby, jolly, bearded, red-wearing, giving old man we all love as a fellow Pinoy? This is Santa Claus: Reimagined.

1. If Santa Claus is Pinoy, he’ll probably ride a Jeepney or a Pedicab hauled by askals because the electric cables tangled from street to street will make his sick flying sleigh skills impossible to perform.
2. He could be a judge in his day job because he likes judging kids with is “Naughty or Nice” list. Why does he need a day job, you ask? Aba, mahirap ang buhay sa ‘Pinas!
3. Gifts will probably arrive late, Filipino time eh. This extended gift delivery period can be a good thing though, because it can even prolong the 4-month Filipino Christmas season.
4. Brownie, the white asong kalye will take the place of Rudolph the main deer.
5. Since hindi naman uso sa ‘Pinas ang chimneys, he’ll be forced to pay for an exclusive 1-month training to learn the ways of the akyat-bahays.

Plot twist: the reason why our Titos are nowhere to be found during Christmas is because they’re an undercover Santa! ‘Yan ha, ‘wag na mag-tampo because they’re preparing your gifts and checking it twice!