Monito-monitime

Monito-monitime

November 20, 2017 | Kuya Tips

Naisip mo na ba kung anong ireregalo mo sa Monita mo? Kung hindi pa, tara, tulungan ka namin!

Praning nanaman ang mga students/employees sa kakaisip ng ireregalo sa monito/monita nila. Some even bribed their classmates/office mates one by one to exchange cards para lang may excuse silang regaluhan ang crush nila. Or talagang ayaw lang nila dun sa nabunot nila.

So, ayun. Ano bang category niyo? Something funny? Something sweet? Something long? Short? Something soft? The category and your monito/monita are the first things to consider when shopping for your Christmas exchange gift.

Let’s say the week’s theme is “something round and useful” and your monito is the class nerd. Maybe you can give him a basketball para naman gumalaw galaw siya. Let’s say your monita is a late-comer and you’re tasked to buy something useful. Give her an unsnoozeable alarm clock! Ingat lang kasi baka sumama ang gising niyan bukas at abangan ka sa classroom.

After the stressful gift-hunting is the excitement. “Ano kaya’ng matatanggap ko?”, “Sino kaya naka-bunot sa’kin?” pero kung employee ka, hindi ka na ma-eexcite kasi alam mo namang dalawa lang ang mangyayari. It’s either: (a) food ang matatanggap mo, (b) the usual handkerchief set + pabango, or (c) pag-titripan ka ng nakabunot sayo by giving you something embarrassing to carry in public.

Ay wait! Bago ka magprepare ng porma mo for tomorrow’s Christmas party, ide-defend mo pa ‘yang gift mo sa harap ng classroom. Prepare an essay and explain the significance of that gift to your monita in 500 words.

There, I hope your monito/monita likes your gift! If you have cool and funny Christmas gift ideas, share it with us at facebook.com/KuyaJResto.

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If Santa Claus is Pinoy…

If Santa Claus is Pinoy…

November 8, 2017 | Anything Pinoy

When you think of Santa, what comes to your mind? I bet you see an overweight Caucasian guy in a red jumpsuit with curly white beard and blue eyes. Despite his wide acceptance here in our country, many aspects of Santa Claus remain as foreign to us Pinoys as his looks. North Pole? Reindeers? Chimneys? Ano yun? It does not make sense to us because it’s very far removed from our reality.

Here’s what will happen if Santa is Pinoy instead:

1. Santa will buy his pang-regalo at Divisoria. This is the only place where he can buy a large quantity of toys for a good price.
2. He will hire duwendes to help him in sorting the toys, wrapping them up, and writing dedications.
3. Pero, as usual, the gift wrapping will be delayed at the last minute.
4. His loyal carabao Rhody will pull the sled come Christmas Eve. Just one carabao is enough for the task because they are strong animals that are used to hard work in the rice field.
5. Since it will be a long ride ahead, he’ll have to bring baon at yun ang walang kamatayang adobong manok at baboy.
6. Before leaving, Mrs. Claus will run down all the things that he should have with him during the trip. Good morning towel? Check. Baunan? Check. Light jacket? Check. Medicine for Byahilo? Check.
7. Since he’ll be flying his magic sled, he’ll be spared from the crazy traffic jams caused by last minute Christmas shoppers.
8. His biggest problem will be all the electric lines and banderitas blocking his way. One wrong move and he can cause a blackout in an entire neighborhood.
9. He will probably have a hard time going house to house without anybody noticing because the whole Pinoy family stays awake until midnight for Noche Buena.
10. His only consolation is that he won’t have to visit too many houses because entire clans usually come together under one roof during this time of the year.
11. Occupational hazards include getting hit by the fireworks of Pinoy titos who are too eager to show off the result of their early shopping spree in Bocaue…
12. …And the nosy neighbor who might mistake him for an akyat-bahay.
13. Lastly, he won’t stay anonymous for long. No juicy story ever gets past a Pinoy.

Did I miss anything? Share with us your thoughts at facebook.com/KuyaJResto

What type of student are you?

What type of student are you?

August 7, 2017 | Kuya Quiz

You may be the class clown, the achiever, the bulakbol, or the one who just doesn’t care at all, but admit it, the school experience wouldn’t be as complete and as colorful as it is without the different personalities in each classroom. Take this short quiz and know where you fall in the spectrum:

1.It’s Monday! How do you prepare for school?

  • A. You go downstairs quietly and prepare your own breakfast so Mama can have a few more hours of sleep.
  • B. You make sure your bag has all the things you need, you do a quick run-through of your notes, and proofread all your assignments.
  • C. You hit the snooze three times before finally dragging yourself to your breakfast plate.
  • D. You start the day with a huge smile. You’re excited to use your new jokes.
  • E. You shout at the neighbor’s dog for waking you up. You leave your polo’s buttons undone. A snapback cap is a part of your school uniform.

2.You have three assignments and a research paper to write. When you get home, you:

  • A. You take a short nap which will turn into a 5-hour slumber, but you make sure you do what you’re supposed to do before the day ends.
  • B. You finish all your homework before anything else.
  • C. You finish.. GTA V. You forgot about the assignments because you didn’t take note of it.
  • D. You open your notes and do a little research, but you end up watching weird Japanese commercials and game shows on YouTube.
  • E You don’t go home early because bulakbol is life.

3.Tomorrow is the last quarterly exam, you prepare for it by:

  • A. Scanning your notes quickly… tomorrow, an hour before the exam.
  • B. Locking your door the whole night and reabsorbing everything in your notes and books. In other words, mag-susunog ka ng kilay.
  • C. You don’t prepare for it because you’re clueless and you think tomorrow is just a normal school day.
  • D. Running through your notes, which are filled with doodles, caricatures, and fun stuff.
  • E. Binge watching UFC fights.

4.You see someone having a rough day, what do you do?

  • A. You just pass by.
  • B. You try to help him/her.
  • C. You unintentionally knock him/her down because you weren’t looking your way.
  • D. You try to make him/her smile by doing something funny.
  • E. You make his/her day even worse.

5.School clubs hold their annual membership drive, what group will you join?

  • A. The Writing Club because you express yourself better in writing.
  • B. The Math Club, the Science Club, the History Club, and pretty much anything that could give additional grades.
  • C. You weren’t aware there was a membership drive because your world revolves around your phone screen.
  • D. The Theatre Club because you think it’s a good place to hone your comedic prowess.
  • E. The Sports Team because you like doing your business with your brute strength.

Now, tally your answers! If you got..

Mostly Es,
– You like making it hard for everyone, you’re the class bully.
Mostly Ds
– You like brightening up everyone’s day, you’re optimistic. You’re the class clown.
Mostly Cs
– You may be a few steps behind of everyone else because, most of the time, you’re not mentally present. You’re the clueless one.
Mostly Bs
– Basically, you like learning. You’re the achiever. Keep it up!
Mostly As
– You may be a man of few words, but you make sure you do your thing right. You’re the quiet one.

Rainy Omens

Rainy Omens

July 14, 2017 | Filipino Culture

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome and give a thunderous round of applause to the rainy season! Oo, whether you like it or not, nandito na siya. Damang-dama na nga natin ang pabugso-bugso niyang effect diba? At dahil diyan, I’ve gathered several rainy haka-haka na, for some reason, matagal na nating sinusunod o pinaniniwalaan.

1. Umaaraw at umuulan? May kinakasal na tikbalang!

Hanggang ngayon, di ko pa rin alam kung saan o paano nagsimula ang haka-haka na ‘to. Pero come to think of it, baka nga naman nasa kasagsagan ng merry-making ang mga tikbalang. At ang mga nararamdaman nating mga patak is actually the aftermath of the popping bottles of champagne part of their program.

2. Ayaw kong maulanan, baka dumami ako.

This one’s pretty easy. If you’ve watched the movie, Gremlins, you’ll get it. Pero kung hindi, panoorin mo na. May torrent naman. Siyempre joke lang yun. Piracy is stealing. Stealing is against the law. Piracy is a crime. Anyway, sa movie kasi, kapag nabasa yung “mogwai” a.k.a. gremlin, nagmu-multiply siya. That’s it. Sana applicable siya sa pera ‘no? Para naman mas maging masaya ang kasabihang, when it rains it pours.

3. ‘Pag naambunan ka, maligo ka or else magkakasakit ka.

Scientifically, getting wet, whether sa ulan o sa isang tabo man ng tubig will not give you a cold. Why? Because only a flu virus can make you sick. So hindi mo talaga kailangang maligo ‘pag naumbunan ka. Though, the only person who can convince/force you is your mother. Isa!

4. ‘Pag may kidlat, pinapagalitan ni Zeus si Hercules.

Remember the days when your parents would teach you a lesson by using their favorite pamalo? Well, the Greek gods also do the same. Case in point Zeus, the Greek god of sky and thunder, and his demigod son Hercules. Sadyang magaling lang talaga umilag si Kuya Hercules sa mga thunder strikes ni popsy. Now you know.

5. ‘Pag may kulog, nagbu-bowling si San Pedro.

San Pedro takes his bowling games in 7th Heaven Bowling Inn seriously. Kaya naman ‘pag malakas nag kulog, strike yun for sure. Pero kapag kumulog sabay ulan, naku, siguradong talo siya.

Oh hayan. It’s up to you if you still want to continue believing or doubting these omens. The important thing is to keep safe and stay dry this rainy season. Kung meron din kayong alam na iba pang rainy omens, message niyo lang us sa Facebook at facebook.com/KuyaJResto.