Santa’s wish list

Santa’s wish list

December 20, 2018 | Christmas

Every Christmas, we look forward to the festive Noche Buena salo-salo, the cold weather we use as an excuse to flaunt our favorite hoodies, and most importantly, Santa’s gifts. Pero naisip mo na ba, pano naman si Santa? Ano kayang gusto niyang matanggap for Christmas?

An organizer
Santa manages countless elves that work double time to meet their Christmas eve deadline, he also plans how to distribute all those gifts around the globe so we reckon a thick 3-year organizer can help him have an easier time.

A Jose Mari Chan album
Preparing for Christmas for most of the year in his gifts factory at North Pole can be sad because he doesn’t have access to the greatest Christmas album of all time, Jose Mari Chan’s Double Diamond album, “Christmas in our Hearts”! What do you think will Santa’s #NewJam be?

More children going to the “Nice” list
It may mean more work for him (kasi mas marami siyang reregaluhan), but of course he wants kids to treat everybody nicer.

New phone
Santa travels a lot, he’ll need a trusty smart phone with a high-end camera to capture all those high-altitude beauties!

Sled with GPS
‘Yung pag punta nga lang sa job interview mo, mahirap na without Google Maps, pano pa ‘yung tracking ng addresses niyo to deliver the gifts? A GPS-guided sled can help him a lot.

What if Santa lived in the Philippines?

What if Santa lived in the Philippines?

December 20, 2018 | Christmas

In the Philippines, we have our own cool stuff like our uniquely-shaped kampilans and bolos, Capiz-windowed houses, colorful tribe costumes, and even our own system of writing. But we’re also fond of making Filipino versions of things like the laughable Thor and Arrow rip-offs aired on a particular TV channel.

With that said, and since Christmas is just around the corner, why don’t we imagine the chubby, jolly, bearded, red-wearing, giving old man we all love as a fellow Pinoy? This is Santa Claus: Reimagined.

  1. If Santa Claus is Pinoy, he’ll probably ride a Jeepney or a Pedicab hauled by askals because the electric cables tangled from street to street will make his sick flying sleigh skills impossible to perform.
  2. He could be a judge in his day job because he likes judging kids with is “Naughty or Nice” list. Why does he need a day job, you ask? Aba, mahirap ang buhay sa ‘Pinas!
  3. Gifts will probably arrive late, Filipino time eh. This extended gift delivery period can be a good thing though, because it can even prolong the 4-month Filipino Christmas season.
  4. Brownie, the white asong kalye will take the place of Rudolph the main deer.
  5. Since hindi naman uso sa ‘Pinas ang chimneys, he’ll be forced to pay for an exclusive 1-month training to learn the ways of the akyat-bahays.

Plot twist: the reason why our Titos are nowhere to be found during Christmas is because they’re an undercover Santa! ‘Yan ha, ‘wag na mag-tampo because they’re preparing your gifts and checking it twice!

Mga matik na laman ng Noche Buena table

Mga matik na laman ng Noche Buena table

December 8, 2017 | Christmas

Christmas is almost here and we can’t help but think of the all the festivities and the aguinaldos but besides the gift giving, we also look forward to the Noche Buena.

And admit it, as you grow older, you tend to focus more on the food rather than the presents. Here’s a map of the Noche Buena table to help you plan how to lamon more efficiently this year:

Ham

The star of Christmas ads. I-sandwich sa dalawang Tasty. Sabayan mo pa ng Kesong Puti para kumpleto ang trio.

Spaghetti

If the Christmas ham is the star, the spaghetti is the king. The spaghetti is a mainstay in the Filipino dining mesa at syempre, ‘di yan mawawala sa Noche Buena table.

Hotdogs with marshmallows

May gumagawa pa ba nito? Hotdogs and marshmallows prepared BBQ-style ‘tas nakasaksak pa sa repolyo. Throwback!

Carbonara

This is the go-to meal of the spaghetti monsters na umay na umay na sa spaghetti sauce.

Lumpia

Plus sweet and sour sauce? HEAVEN.

Pancit

The spaghetti’s rival. Mahirap pumili between the two, but kikiam is life.

BBQ

The mortal enemy of people with braces. Kasi ‘pag hila mo sideways, sa-sideways din lahat ng ngipin mo.

Bibingka/Puto Bungbong

The Filipino Christmas won’t be complete without this pair. ‘Di rin kumpleto ang simbang gabi ‘pag wala ‘yung amoy ng Bibingka’t Puto Bungbong sa paligid.

Liempo

Worth dying for. Worth the batok pains pero hinay lang kung gusto mo pang umabot sa desserts.

Leche Flan

Melts in your mouth. The purpose of my midnight visits to the fridge nights after Christmas.

Fruit Salad

Pleasing to the eye and to the tummy. Also a reason why I visit the fridge every midnight. ‘Kung ano nalang unang makita. Baboy Reflex.

Queso De Bola

Masarap i-combo with Tasty and ham slices pero it also goes well with Pandesal and kape the morning after.

Kesong Puti

Soft and creamy. Pwedeng add-on sa Bibingka at Puto Bungbong.

Lechon

Also a mainstay in all Filipino celebrations. Birthdays, graduations, weddings, fiestas, lahat ‘yan matik na may Lechon sa hapag.

Fried/roasted Chicken

The first dish you should attack during Noche Buena. Mahirap na, baka maubusan ng chicken skin.

Kaldereta

Creamy and oozing with tomato goodness and beefy taste.

What’s that sound? Is that you drooling? Tell us about your Noche Buena ways at facebook.com/KuyaJResto.

Bakit Kaya Di Mahuli-huli si Santa?

Bakit Kaya Di Mahuli-huli si Santa?

November 20, 2017 | Christmas

It’s an hour before the clock strikes 12. You patiently sit under the Christmas tree in your pantulog, trying to pass the time by reading a book. “Konti pa,” you say even if your eyes are already heavy with sleep. You hear your mother shout from the room upstairs, “matulog ka na!” but you ignore it because you have a mission. You have to see Santa. He has given you gifts every year since you were old enough to enjoy receiving one. You want to thank him for his generosity. So you ignore the call and convince yourself to wait it out. “Di pa ko inaantok!” you proudly reply to your mother.

The next thing you know, the sun has risen up and your mother is already serving breakfast. You hurry to check your medyas and there it is – a gift. You’re happy with your new toy truck but you’re pissed at yourself because you failed at catching Santa again.

We’ve all been through the frustration of not being able to see Santa. Badtrip diba? Ang laking mama, nakapula, pero di makita-kita? Panno nangyari yun? Bakit walang mga batang nakakabisto sa kanya? Here we offer some reasons why:

1) Tinutulungan siya ng mga Elves.

Tingin mo ba mag-isa lang si Santa na nag-iikot sa pamimigay nang gifts? Of course not! He has elves to help him do that. Para saan pa’t pinapasweldo niya ang mga yun diba? Sakto pa kasi the elves are small kaya pwedeng sumingit-singit sa mga makikitid na daanan. Isa pa, more than a million kids are waiting for him. He has no time para isa-isahin ang mga house niyo.

2) Ninja si Santa

Ninjas are known for their stealth, speed, and incredible athletic abilities. They can leap farther than the average person, and their footsteps are as quiet as a cat’s. Ngayon, imagine-in mo: si Santa Claus ipapark niya yung sled niya sa itaas nang bahay niyo. Tapos lulundag siya pababa sa ganung kataas na height. Partida mataba pa siya. Eh di dapat parang kalabog yun. Maglalakad pa siya sa bubong niyong gawa sa yero. Pero you don’t hear a sound, right? Maaring nagtraining si Santa Claus sa mga ninjas in Japan a long time ago para mas maimprove ang akyat-bahay skills niya.

3) Nagiging Invisible si Santa

Santa’s red suit is not just a costume. It has magical properties that make him invisible to people. Kaya yung malamig na hanging naramdaman mo habang naghihintay? Di mo alam si Santa na pala yun.

4) May telekinesis si Santa

Yes, sagarin na natin. Tutal nauubusan na rin ako ng reasons. May mind control din si Santa. Mala-Professor Charles Xavier niya na napapagalaw ang mga bagay in any way he wants. Imagine Santa putting two fingers at his temples and as he does so, the doors & windows of your house opens on its own and then you and your sibling’s gifts fly in through the open front door. Astig diba?

5) Si Nanay at Tatay si Santa

Magpakatotoo na lang tayo. Si Nanay at Tatay lang naman talaga ang nagiiwan nang regalo para sa ‘tin tuwing Pasko. Sila ang tunay na Santa Claus nang mga buhay natin. And they are infinitely better than Santa because they not only give us the most wonderful toys and clothes for Christmas, they also shower us every day with the most valuable gift of all – love. Naks. Kaya don’t forget to return the love and care they’ve shown you through the years. Treat mo na sila nang Kuya J Halo Halo!